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A Modest Proposal, 21st Century version

Here in the US, we have a novel solution to our climate and population problem. As the world rushes to kill the planet through habitat destruction and climate change, we Americans have found a way to make sure that as few of our children as possible make it to child-bearing age. Simply by placing absolutely no limits on guns or who can own them, we have solved a major universal problem! The fewer children who survive and reproduce, the sooner we can save our planet. We are on the way, but we have a long way to go! We must bring our numbers up even further until there is net zero population growth. And we must encourage other nations to follow our lead. Modern industrial nations around the world are falling far behind. They'll have to revise their gun laws swiftly to catch up!

I suggest lowering the legal age for possession of firearms worldwide to 5.

We could make automatic rifles much lighter if we put our American ingenuity to work. Then we could lower the legal age for possession even further, not to mention that gun owners in their 80s and 90s would have an easier time.

America is the leader once again!! We have modeled a solution to the world's worst crisis!

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